How is this book so far?

I took a quick sideways glance when I heard someone cough. It was Irene Rotter , the typical blonde *****. She sneered at me and threw a piece of paper toward me – I let it fall to the ground. That girl was a mean witch that was all that was to it and I didn’t tolerate her.

I was sitting in my sitting in my sophomore English homeroom class. When Mrs. Trowser walked in . I picked up the paper before she would come over snatch it up and read the mean things inside. Even though all the teachers known that I was an outcast with only a few friends I don’t want to remind them.

She came into the room and cleared her throat and said “ We have a new student from Eroupe id like to introduce him. His name is Abaddon Live , but you can call him A.J.

Is she serious Abaddon means the god of destruction . No wonder he switched his name to A.J. . I wonder if his parents were on crack when they named him.

I was looking down at my notebook when he walked in. Then all the kids gasped. At the sound of that i looked up. He was the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. With his silk black hair percing black eyes with high cheek bones and a perfectly carved nose his face was perfect. And as for his body lets just say any model would die for it.

He feet glided across the floor to approach Mrs. Trowser. Every student watched in amazement as he walked. Nobody was talking they were all stunned by his appearance – speechless. Wich was a first for Irene. I half expected her to turn to her best friend Madison and say “he is like a gift from the gods” but no. nothing.

He finally reached Mrs. Trowser. She straightened up and said “everyone say hello to Abaddon” – he gave her a little look and she added “ oh in sorry I mean A.J.” Everyone but me jumped to the opportunity to say hello.

She cut off the class “ who would like to be his tour guid of our school today?”

Every other hand (including my Best friend Haven’s hand) shot up. I took a look around I was obviously the only one not obsessed with our new student. Sur he was very handsome, but htat nothing to do with his personality . he was probally just going to be some jerk -off foot ball palyer who will make fun of us.

My teacher eyes came straight to me, I swear if she picks me- “ I see your very eager to meet our new student , Rita your can be the guide.” Her voice was thick with sarcasam. Before I could reply she injected “she is the one In the black outfit go sit with her. ”

Again he gracefully started to walk over to me, but this time it was different people were dissopionted and moaned annoyingly. I heard Irene whisper “ I hope she dosent rub off on her” it didn’t bother me though I was use to insultes.

When he came to the desk he said “hello my name is A.J. You must be Rita.” I just nodded my head. But then I heard Irene sickly sweet voice chime in

“ Hi im Irene it’s such a pleasure to meet you , you can come it lunch with us today if you want.”

“No thanks but I rather sit with my guide” he flashed a stunning smile at me while he rejected her.

“Nah you should sit with her” I told him, keep the burden off my hands.

“ No I want to sit with you.” Another smile that made me a bit light headed. He procedd to sit down next to me. He had the sweetest aroma I have ever wiffed. It wasn’t that stupid axe stuff that all the boys thought smelt great. It gave me a head ache. But this was like honey suckle with a twist of vinalli. I almost asked him what the smell was but shut me mouth before it came out. What a weird question that would have been. I don’t need anymore reason for people to mock me and my friends. Class wenty on even though no one paid attention to the teacher all of it was derectied toward A.J. he seemed comfortable with were he was and kept quiet. Finally first period ended.

“What do you have next?” asked A.J. ,

I replied “Spanish.”

He looked truly dissopointed “ oh I have math, can you show me the way there?”

“sure.”

We almost made it out the door when my bff Haven apoached “hey A.J” I think she was litterley drooling. Such a boy fanatic.

“Hey” he replied

That is when she started to hyprovenelate. Gosh she needed to calm down it was just a boy. Aboy with the looks of a underwear model but nothing special. I introduced her and she giggled insanely. He probally thought she had mental issues. I questioned that myself sometimes. We went to my locker to get my Spanish stuff . I dropped him off to math and told him id meet him here at the end of the period so we could go to gym together. Me and Haven walked to Spanish together

“did you see him!” she screeched as soon as he closed the door.

”of course I saw him I sat next to him.” That was the obvios point of it all. I got what meant that did you see how hot he was. I did but I wasn’t going to say that.

Then she exploded into her rant how beautiful I was and needed a boyfriend. Id admit I was pretty. I had long black hair with percing green eyes that made my cheeHow is this book so far?
Good work on spelling and maybe change the character names to something a little less obvious. Also it seems like you got your inspiration from Twilight. Its OK if you did authors do it all the time but make it so that you barley notice i the similarity's. And '; All the students gasped';? that doesn't really fit. No one gasps anymore. Maybe they were astounded. A dictionary and a thesaurus are you best friends in writing you know!And how would the teacher know he likes to be called A.J.? maybe he says it or he is being mysterious and whispers it to her. Other then a few other similar mistakes it great! :DHow is this book so far?
That was good!!!!



Answer mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
is aj a vampire? cuz if he is....i'm never going to read that book....no offense...twilight was just too much...if he isn't, i'm willing to read it. sounds good so far...plz say he's a normal person...
i seriously want to read this book!!!!
There are many spelling and grammar mistakes that are inexcusable. Both Word and Y!A have spell check features --if it is underlined in red, it is wrong.



I'm going to be honest here, this story is boring(IMO) and predictable. I'm guessing the 'new unbelievably hot boy' is going to fall in love with 'your outcast but super pretty girl,' and it will turn out that he actually is the God of Destruction or some other similarly powered being?
You're very talented.

The spelling errors were annoying, and the plot was a bit... unoriginal, but it's not bad :)
I am also a writer, and I'm glad you are so passionate about it that you are willing to write a book. Keep it up!
it's good for someone as young as you. Don't give up writing because one day you can get better and maybe be a famous author.
wow you go girl! i like that. especially the axe part lol :) I`m making a book too but i might post it later
It was good. Just the grammar... Keep it up!
Im 11 to and wrote a book! Well its not finished.... u write great! I hate grammer i have so many ideas to write and little time to fix the errors! I forgot to tell u dont let Matri get u down! She said my story sucked to but alot of ppl out of yahoo answers [all my friends at school] said it rocked! Dont let her discourage u even though its predictable at the last minute take ur story and make readers read it over and over again to finally understand wat just happend! Make sure u keep the readers on the edge! Just when they kiss or something have her have something bad happen! Everyone would wonder huh? And Marti wouldn't even know wats happening next!
For an 11-year old mind, you're pretty great! Honestly, the spelling and grammar mistakes were kinda irritating, but you'll learn...its pretty nice..(i especially like the 'axe' bit!)



Keep writing..you're bound to get better and better..!
reminds me too much of twilight
I guess like some others noted...for an 11-year-old, this is a sizable achievement...but remember that you are still 11. While I don't doubt your writing skills, you cannot write masterfully at your age. You can have great ideas, but life experience and the study of other literary works is what can really make an author. You need to develop your own style and know the vast type of literature there is in this world. Wait till you've finished high school and went through all basic classes of writing and then get back to it, and I'm sure you'll be more satisfied with your writing.
Beautiful but if I where you I would read up a little of P.A. Salvatore's righting. he is a master of word play and I find it very helpful if I'm righting.