How's this for a prologue?

Prologue



I couldn鈥檛 believe it. I was angry and upset, mostly at myself for not seeing this coming. And then it happened.

I woke up in a hospital bed, my head spinning as I struggled to sit up, which took all my strength. I felt extremely weak at that moment. It was like I was glued to the bed sheets or a huge weight was pulling me down, so I鈥檇 sink right back into the clean, smooth white sheets. Then there was the sound of someone calling for a doctor and then gently pushing me down so my head fell back into the pillow. A voice whispered in my ear, 鈥楯ust stay still. Don鈥檛 move. You鈥檙e going to be alright鈥re you ok?鈥?the person paused, 鈥楽tupid question, sorry. I鈥檒l go get mom and dad; they鈥檝e just gone to get some drinks...Stay still Rhianon.鈥?I wondered who the voice was, and then thought that it must鈥檝e been my little sister Emmie. But before I could think too much about it I realized how horrible and fragile I felt. It was like the time when I spun myself around so many times that when I stopped the ground seemed to be moving, in the game 鈥榙izzy dinosaurs鈥?that I used to play in the playground back in 3rd grade. I always hated that game, but I hated it even more that the boys called me miserable and a kill-joy.

So I鈥檇 joined in to prove those obnoxious boys wrong which was, I鈥檒l admit, a bad idea. Especially after I鈥檇 just ate lunch. I ended up puking over some girls shoes; I can鈥檛 even remember whose it was. But I remember her shriek of terror followed by her gag of disgust. She never forgot that day, so I was glad to be out of primary. She had gone to a different high school which was such a relief for me.

Then it suddenly struck me that I was in a hospital. Wait鈥hy was I in a hospital? I did my best to remember, but each time failed as my head throbbed and I was quite frankly too sleepy to even care right now. I decided to let it go for now, I鈥檇 ask when I awoke after my sweet long needed sleep. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, letting the exhaustion overtake me.

But that was disturbed when people came rushing in the room; mom and dad with Emmie I guessed. Someone came up to me and kissed my hair.

鈥楻hianon! Your O.K, you鈥檙e going to be OK. It fine, are you alright? Oh honey I鈥檓 so glad you鈥檝e came round you gave us all a scare there鈥︹€?She trailed off and the whole room went silent. It was mum alright. What did she mean I鈥檓 going to be OK? What was that all about?

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. My throat felt impossibly dry and it was as if I鈥檇 kill for a glass of water. I put my hands to my throat and they got my point.

鈥楨mmie go get her a glass of cold water, she thirsty鈥?Mom said stroking my hair, not taking her gaze off me while she was talking to her.

鈥楽ure, wont be a minute鈥?and then she pretty much ran out of the room.

Dad slowly walked up to the hospital bed next to mom and put a hand around her waist.

鈥楬ow you feeling?鈥?He said gently in his calming voice that soothed me very much.

鈥榝-f-f鈥?That was all I managed to say. Seriously. I meant to say, 鈥榝ine dad.... I feel fine鈥?which was a total lie, but it would of made my parents feel good at least. But with out that water I wouldn鈥檛 be able to talk at all鈥?I hoped Em wouldn鈥檛 be to long with the water, I was absolutely parched. My lips felt numb and dry, and my eyes heavy鈥?I was actually drifting to sleep again when Emmie returned with my request of my desired ice-cold water.

She handed it to me carefully, and I took a big gulp of it so that it gave me brain freeze. But at least I was more awake.

It worked too. I could talk again.

鈥榃hat going on?鈥?this was one of the many things I wanted to know at that point.

My family and the doctor exchanged glances. The doctor shook his head and, and my mum sighed.

鈥榊ou should rest Rhianon. I know you鈥檙e sleepy right now. We鈥檒l explain everything when you feel better again鈥?Sleepy? Well, that was the understatement of the year for sure. The doctor smiled a obvious fake smile. He then reached over me, fumbling with some wires of some sort, when suddenly I was very, very sleepy-eyed again鈥?br>


How is it? thanks (:

also, i need other words for 'felt' because i use that word to much.. thanks! :DHow's this for a prologue?
This is okay.

Speech marks are ';, right?

After speech you need to start a new sentence.

And Mom and Dad have capital letters.

I'm not completely like....Wow'd by it, but I'm not completely 'ugh that's horrible' by it.

It's average.

Sorry for the critisism =/

Just thought It'd help you :)

xHow's this for a prologue?
Very good on the whole. I especially like the part when she was thinking back to her primary school days, then she remembers shes in hospital. I don't get this part ';which took all my strength'; I think you need a linking phrase there, because it doesn't make that much sense.

I'd love to read some more.



hope this helped